Have you ever found yourself talking to international students and not being sure that you were understood? Then asking yourself afterwards what are you expected to do? Or did you feel like you were literally speaking two different languages? 

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Most likely these feelings are not related just to language proficiency but also to your or your students' communication styles.

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In this project you will have the opportunity to learn more about different communication and conflict styles, so you can communicate more effectively (and appropriately) across cultures. 

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Before we explore different communication styles, let’s take a look at your own communication preferences. Consider the communication behaviours in the list below and note any that you find irritating, frustrating, uncomfortable or annoying when you interact with individuals who talk in that way.

• Not answering questions directly
• Insisting on calling you by title, Ms, Mr, Mrs, formal title
• Making requests directly
• Using a lot of silence and pauses in conversation
• Talking mostly about themselves
• Speaking slowly
• Speaking loudly
• Speaking quietly
• Apologising frequently
• Interrupting frequently

Do you think everyone finds the same behaviours frustrating? Ask at least three people which one of these behaviours they find most annoying, and compare their responses to yours. Most likely they will react differently, as we all have different communication styles

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Edward T. Hall was a pioneer in the field of intercultural communication who introduced an understanding of the way we communicate. He showed that our default style, and what is considered acceptable in a group or society, is highly influenced by the group’s culture. This acceptable way of communicating is learned early on in life and is reinforced through positive feedback and rewards over time.

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“One of the most effective ways to learn about oneself is by taking seriously the cultures of others. It forces you to pay attention to those details of life which differentiate them from you.” Edward T. Hall (1976) 

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Hall was the first to explain that communication can be divided into so-called high context and low context communication systems. 

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Low context communicators express meaning explicitly in verbal communication, and they expect others to do the same. All important information is stated. 

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High context communicators, on the other hand, don't verbalise everything explicitly. Instead, they rely on context or a shared understanding among all involved in the conversation to communicate their message or intention. 

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The above graphic illustrates these two ways of communicating. On the right, you can see low-context communication:

Here, the speaker is expected to construct a clear verbal message that contains all necessary information and can be easily understood by the receiver. On the left, you can see high context communication where most of the information might be left unsaid and the receiver of that message needs to be looking for more clues in the context.

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Let's look at this in a bit more depth, starting with low context communication. Here, the speaker is expected to construct a clear message that can be easily understood by the receiver. Low context communicators will often say they “say what they mean, and mean what they say”. They will sometimes ask: “what is the point? Can you get to the point?” What is specifically said is more important than what is left unsaid. The verbal message is the key to communication; it is often very detailed.

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High context communication requires the receiver of the message to “read between the lines”. The speaker may use non-verbal language, hand gestures, facial expression, and often few words to express their message. Speakers and listeners rely on shared cultural and social understanding to recognise the message. Many things are left unsaid. 

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The context of the communication is at least as important as what is being said.

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Let's take a look at an example to understand what high-context communication looks like in a real-life situation: If we consider having a conversation in our home with our family, there would be many shared understandings – things that we can communicate with few or no words. This could be as simple as who sits where at the dinner table, what a glance toward the washing up sink may mean at the end of a meal, or expressing respect or gratitude to a family member. We do not need detailed verbal explanation because the context is understood. Imagine if an international student comes into our home: they may not be able to understand these unspoken messages and might misinterpret or miss the message altogether. 

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When high and low context communicators are attempting to communicate together it can be difficult, especially if they are not aware of these different styles.

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For those who communicate in a low context style, they want lots of detail, and it is often missing when their high context colleagues are expressing themselves. This can lead to frustration, and the inability to move forward. They are waiting for more information. 

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Yet, high context communicators often think the style of communication co

ming from low context people is so detailed as to be condescending or unnecessary. “Why are you telling me this stuff, of course I can see that…”. They can feel frustrated, offended, or confused as a result. 

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So, where do you think you stand? Are you more low context or high context? Do you tend to be more direct or indirect? What about the international students with whom you work? 

Understanding your preferred style and those of your students and peers will help you better navigate different situations and better support everyone in their intercultural adjustment. 

When differences in communication styles leave you confused: Satoshi’s story

Let’s consider:

• What is actually happening in these scenarios?
• What are the communication styles you can identify in the story?
• What could be some cultural reasons behind the behaviours?
• What suggestions or tips could you give Satoshi to be effective in this new environment?
• How could you support Satoshi in communicating more appropriately with his host family, basketball friends and at university?
  

Let’s consider:

• What is actually happening in these scenarios?
• What are the communication styles you can identify in the story?
• What could be some cultural reasons behind the behaviours?
• What suggestions or tips could you give Satoshi to be effective in this new environment?
• How could you support Satoshi in communicating more appropriately with his host family, basketball friends and at university?

We can identify some cultural differences happening in Satoshi’s scenario:

• Satoshi is probably more indirect in his communication than his teammates and he is perceiving a more direct communication approach as being aggressive or rude.
• Some other cultural reasons behind the behaviours could be related to individualism vs collectivism. Satoshi could be more used to being invited to join activities and spend more time with the family. He could also be less used to taking initiative, speaking up and being more independent. You can learn more about this here. 

We can help Satoshi: 

• By explaining some cultural characteristics of life in New Zealand and some of the expectations that families, teachers and peers might have. 
• By asking more questions to help him reflect on what others might be thinking, what the family would like to see, what are the coach's expectations, etc. Asking him more questions may help him see the other people’s perspectives and become more curious about kiwi culture. 
• Be more effective in communicating by making sure he attends orientations and that the orientations include content on communication styles and other cultural dimensions differences. 
• By introducing him to the D.I.V.E. model and going through the situation using this model. (You can find the model later in this project)

And there are plenty of similar stories of international students struggling to understand some situations due to different communication styles. Have a look at this great video to further explore differences in communication. The “Stinky Tea Towel” video was developed by Steffen and William as a way to see communication styles in action. This video shows a German student trying to learn the best way to communicate with others in New Zealand.

It all sounds very interesting and the different communication styles in the video are even funny, but how do you actually improve your skills to be more effective and appropriate when communicating with those with different cultural backgrounds? Let’s practice.Have a look at this list of direct phrases and try to change them into more indirect phrases:

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And now look at these indirect phrases and try changing them into more direct sentences.

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Tips to adapt your communication style

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How can you adapt your communication style to the needs of each student with whom you interact? Let's have a look at some tips and options below.

If you would like to be a more indirect and high context communicator, try: 

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• adding expressions like “maybe”, “perhaps”, “might”,” could”, “possibly” and “sometimes” to soften it up. 
• Asking questions rather than making a statement will also be helpful. 
• Saying something like “Both sides have some value” could be another indirect strategy.

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In order to be more direct and low context, you need to make sure you spell out what you expect. The more information you provide the better. Don’t shy away from bullet points. Even if you think it is obvious, it is not!

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After a couple of months, Satoshi is still not feeling great at school. He wishes he had more friends and people were not so aggressive. He spends a lot of time in his bedroom talking to his family back home. Then one day his basketball coach approaches him and tells him that he might be dropped from the team as he does not engage with his mates, doesn’t speak up in team conversation and seems to not care about what is happening at training. Satoshi thought he was very rude but didn't say anything as he did not want to offend the coach.

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Satoshi goes home and shares the news with the host family who reacts by saying: “Hm, interesting… We also noticed that you might be a bit unhappy here in our home? It seems that you don't enjoy staying with us as much as you may expect?” Satoshi is not sure about what the host mum means and it thinks she might be hiding something.

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The host mum calls the international students coordinator to discuss the option of Satoshi moving homes as the family is not sure this is working for them.

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Let’s consider some more questions: 

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• What is happening now?
• How do you think the different characters are approaching the problem?

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Just like understanding communication styles, gaining a better understanding of different conflict styles will help you understand and navigate different situations, and better support students in their intercultural adjustment. 

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Satoshi’s story is a common example of people approaching a conflict in different ways, which sometimes can make the original problem even bigger. We can see how the issues Satoshi was having to start with were originally related to different communication styles. Now we can see those differences showing up again, but this time we encounter additional problems with different conflict styles.

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For the purpose of clarity, for a conflict to be called a conflict it needs to involve a substantial disagreement (not just a difference in opinion) and an emotional response.

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Dr. Mitch Hammer has introduced the idea that different cultures tend to deal with conflicts in different ways. When dealing with conflict, different variables play a role: 

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• your communication style (direct vs indirect) 
• and the way you express your emotions (emotional expressive vs emotionally restrained). 

The combination of these two variables creates four different conflict styles. We can see Hammer’s model below. You can learn more about this model here.

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Discussion style:

People with a direct style of communication who usually restrain their emotions use a discussion style. Discussion styles confront problems and explain their position/argument while remaining calm and focusing only on the facts.

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‍Engagement style:

Those who are still direct in their communication style but are more emotionally expressive are in engagement style. Engagement styles also provide detailed explanation and information while showing their feelings. This does not mean they might cry, but that talking about feeling is part of managing the conflict.

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‍Accommodation style:

Indirect communicators who also restrain their emotions are using an accommodation style to manage conflict. People who use the accommodation style consider alternative meanings to ambiguous messages, they are able to control emotional outbursts while being sensitive to the feelings of the other party. Accommodation style is all about keeping harmony and saving face.

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‍Dynamic style:

Finally, dynamic styles are characterised by expressing emotions and an indirect communication style. People who prefer a dynamic style use others to gather information and help resolve difficulties. They are skilled at observing changes in non-verbal behaviour and they are comfortable with strong emotional displays.

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So, where do you think you stand? If there were no consequences to your behaviour, what style are you more likely to use? Is your style different at home and at work?

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What about the international students with whom you work? Do they tend to engage in conflict differently depending on who is involved? Might hierarchy be playing a role in how they deal with conflict? How can you adapt your style to better support them?

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When we are aware of the style that we are most likely to use in a conflict, and can identify the styles others are using, we can better navigate different intercultural situations. We can also better support students, families, teachers and others in their intercultural adjustment. 

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Navigating different communication and conflict styles is not a one-off job; it requires ongoing learning and practice. To be more effective and appropriate across cultures also requires to be able to suspend judgement and not jump to conclusions based on our own values and preferred styles.

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In Satoshi’s story we can see how he thinks the coach is rude and that the host mum is not really saying what she thinks. 

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Being able to identify different styles is the first step to avoid assuming an indirect communicator “is hiding something” or that a direct communicator is being “rude and aggressive”.

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What else can we do to remain curious and become better at connecting across cultures? Let’s explore one of the most effective (and most known) tools for improving our intercultural competence: D.I.V.E.

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Before we go any further let’s try a simple exercise to understand our assumptions. 

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Have a look at the image below and take notes of everything that comes to your mind. When you think you are done, keep writing and digging deeper on what comes to mind!

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Now, let’s pause for a moment and introduce the DI.V.E. Model (Bennet & Rao, 2009) which is a very useful tool when working across cultures.

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So, let’s go back to the photo and your notes:

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• Take a pen and circle around your objective descriptions: a car, a red car, people with phones, female and male, rubble, some people in the car and some people on foot would be descriptions.
• Underline the interpretations: disaster tourism, they are filming a movie, photoshop, a natural disaster just happened, a bomb hit the place, etc. These are all possible interpretations of what is happening in the picture.
• Underline any questions you would like to ask. Verifications usually come in the form of questions and elements where you would like to learn more.
• Finally, circle around your evaluations: these are horrible people watching others suffer, rich kids enjoying others' dramas, rich people with no compassion taking photos for instagram, this makes me really annoyed, they shouldn’t be there. These are all evaluations because they have a negative connotation; we don’t feel this is right and we are judging them.

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There is nothing wrong with evaluating, we do it all the time. Every time we face a new or ambiguous situation or even something unfamiliar, we tend to fill in the blanks with what we know or what we have previously experienced. This is a useful mental shortcut, but can also lead to misunderstanding. That is why using D.I.V.E. is so important!

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Every time we catch ourselves thinking “that is odd”, “that student is being very weird”, “what awkward behaviour”, we should take a step back and describe first, then interpret and gather as much information as possible in order to understand multiple perspectives and options. This will help us slow down the process and make more informed decisions when interacting with people who are different to ourselves.

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Let’s go back to Satoshi’s story and use D.I.V.E. to analyse it. Make sure you do all the steps. Do not rush it. More importantly, when you are looking at interpretations, make sure you provide more than five options as this means you are not just using your default view.

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Satoshi would have benefited from using D.I.V.E.

If instead of jumping to thinking that the coach was rude, he could be more observant of what was happening, wonder more about what the problem could be, be more curious about what others were thinking, what was expected of him, and how he could contribute to a better experience.

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D.I.V.E. can be useful in a range of contexts:

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In the classroom: it can be used anytime a student, a peer or a parent comes to us regarding a certain situation. They might start by sharing their interpretations or evaluations (“the kids are being mean to my son”, “you didn't like my work”, “we are not happy here”, etc.). Sowe can help them better understand the situation and different perspectives,  we simply ask  them to take a step back and look at some descriptions: what happened? What did they say? What did you hear? What else did you observe?

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Once we have collected some of the objective descriptions, we can move on to what might this mean and discuss possible interpretations. This process can help everyone slow down their thinking and move away from their default assumptions. It can also help everyone shift their perspectives and be more empathetic.

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Reflection questions: 

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• Can you think of other situations in which using D.I.V.E. might be helpful? 
• To what extent did applying DIVE make you consider your perspective? 
• How did applying D.I.V.E. help you come up with better solutions to an existing situation?

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We interact with a wide variety of people every day. When working in international education, interacting with diverse groups of students from different cultural backgrounds is part of the excitement. However, engaging with individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds can be challenging. Different values, different communication and conflict styles sometimes make it hard to navigate conversations. Understanding what those differences are, and suspending judgement when facing behaviours that we find unexpected or different to our own, will help us be more effective and appropriate when engaging with our international students.

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AFS. (2016). Tools to Suspend Judgement.

https://d22dvihj4pfop3.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/sites/106/2019/03/05001420/Tools_to_Suspend_Judgment_for_AFS_and_Friends.pdf

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Bennett, J.M., & Rao, N.(2009). Intercultural communication facilitator’s manual. Portland State University.

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Bennett, J. M. (2015). The SAGE Encyclopaedia of Intercultural Competence. Sage Publications.

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Hall,E. (1976). Beyond culture. Anchor Press/Doubleday. 

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Hammer,M.R. (2001). Conflict negotiation under crisis conditions. In W. F. Eadie, & P. E. Nelson (Eds.), The language of conflict and resolution. Sage. 

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Hammer, M.R. (2002) The Intercultural Conflict Style Inventory: A Conceptual Framework and Measure of Intercultural Conflict Approaches. Retrieved from https://gmdconsulting.eu/nykerk/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Intercultural-Conflict-Style-inventory.pdf

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Nam, K., A & Condon, J. (2010). The DIE is cast: The continuing evolution of intercultural communication’s favorite classroom exercise, International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 34, (1). 81–87

Ting-Toomey, S. (1994b). Managing intercultural conflicts effectively. In L. Samovar, & R. Porter (Eds.), Intercultural communication: A reader (pp. 360-372). Wadsworth.