The cross-border transition means cross-border learners’ cultural values interact with the local environment in unique ways, and this can impact students’ personal relationships. Practitioners should be prepared and aware of intercultural dynamics that impact learners' dating and intimate relationships.

The following key themes will be discussed in the context of cultural differences:

• Sex education and talking about sex
• Understanding consent
• Healthy and unhealthy relationships
• Preventing sexual violence

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As discussed in the sexual healthcare module, many international students come from more conservative cultures, where talking about sex is discouraged and often stigmatised. Many students have had limited sex education in their home country and may fear being judged if they attend an educational event to learn more about sex and sexual health. On the other hand, some international students may come from more sexually liberal societies, which will need to be considered when talking with students about sexual healthcare.

2.1 How to reduce stigma and encourage students to talk about relationships and sex

The overarching goal of reducing stigma around relationships and sex should be to present sexuality and relationships as a natural and healthy part of life, and to reduce negative outcomes such as unintended/unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and sexual assault. Learning how to communicate this vital information in a culturally sensitive manner is important for international education practitioners to support their students in developing healthy relationships.

Here are some tips from other practitioners for making cross-border learners feel comfortable talking about relationships and sex:

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• Focus on cultural and societal norms around relationships and sex as a starting point. For example, consider the multiple perspectives and cultural definitions of concepts like masculinity. The goal is not to convince students that ‘our way is the right way’, but rather to help students understand the New Zealand context, and how they can successfully navigate a new cultural context with an open mind.
• Maintaining a respectful and curious attitude can help you create a safe and open space for honest discussion. Additionally, taking the time to understand students’ cultural and religious beliefs can help providers understand why students have certain beliefs about relationships and sex.
• Gently correct myths or add factual background in a non-judgmental way to empower students to fully manage their personal health.
• STIs are incredibly common, and one of the biggest barriers to stopping their spread is the shame that comes with testing positive. This shame doesn’t result in safer sex, it actually results in sex that is less safe, because people avoid testing altogether. Prevention is an important part of the conversation, but if all we talk about is preventing STIs, we are unintentionally stigmatising people who have STIs. 
• Avoid labelling educational events with ‘explicit’ words such as sex, sexuality and counselling when targeting international students, as such terms may be taboo in their cultural context and make them too embarrassed to attend.
• Enlist teachers or other students to run sex education programmes. Students may be more likely to be open with people that they are familiar with, and this also reinforces that these are everyday conversations in Aotearoa. 
• Incorporate sexual health information across the entire year, rather than focus only on orientation when students may be overwhelmed with information (and that some students may miss altogether!)

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What an individual considers a ‘healthy’ relationship also varies depending on social and cultural norms. International students may experience a 'clash of norms', which may lead to uncertainty about what is healthy and a preparedness to experiment. 

Below are some examples of common relationship issues that international students encounter as a result of being separated from their familiar support networks:

Excessive reliance on one person ‍

Cross-border learners, away from family and friends, may invest all their energy and time into one romantic relationship in a way that they wouldn’t at home with their normal social networks. If they are lonely, students might latch on to one person for all of their emotional needs. Not only does this make the student hugely dependent on one person, it also may limit their ability to form other connections and friendships and even to explore their new culture and community.

Putting up with an unhealthy, toxic or abusive relationship 

Similarly, because many international students are lonely, particularly during the first 12 months, they might ignore signs that the relationship is unhealthy, or even abusive. When someone treats their partner with violence, disrespect, cruelty, harm or force, it’s called an abusive relationship. Abuse in a relationship can be physical, sexual, or emotional. 

Students may not know how or where to get support, or fear repercussions on their visa status or public shame or embarrassment. 

This video, developed for international students in Australia, explores some of the qualities other international students have observed in unhealthy relationships.

Shaming by co-national peers 

International students often associate with others from their home country, and while this can provide support, anecdotal evidence suggests that co-national peer groups can also reinforce problematic practices such as homophobia, slut shaming and toxic masculinity. Such practices further shame and isolate cross-border learners, making them less likely to speak openly about relationship issues and seek support.

3.1 Supporting international students to develop healthy relationships

It’s important to be clear about your role, and what you are and aren’t responsible for with your students. Not everyone is a trained counsellor, so be sure to remain aware of your own capability and comfort, and when referral on is required.

That said, if you’ve created a safe and non-judgemental space for cross-border learners to talk about sex and relationships, you’re already well on your way to helping them understand how to recognise unhealthy relationships and to foster healthy ones. 

Here are a few other tips to help international students build healthy relationships:

• Build support networks – Ultimately, many unhealthy relationship behaviours emerge from the feelings of isolation and loneliness that international students often feel, which are often most intense during the first 12 months. Find ways to connect international students with others in their local community, and make sure they have a safe, trusted place where they can seek help if they are in trouble.
• Build rapport – Active listening techniques like paying attention, using body language to show that you’re engaged, and asking questions to confirm you’ve understood correctly are all techniques that can help you to create an open and comfortable atmosphere. The more comfortable students are with you, the more likely they are to open up about relationships.
• Don’t push too hard – People who are harmed within their relationships are often convinced by the person harming them that they’re to blame. Some students will deny there’s a problem. Try not to push a young person into opening up before they’re ready. If you feel like they’re open to a discussion, talk about what healthy relationships look like. What are their expectations and does their current partner meet those expectations? 
• Encourage them to reach out – Remind the student that you’re there to support them – even if they don’t want to talk with you right now. Encourage them to chat to friends, family or other professionals if they don’t want to talk to you.

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NauMai NZ has additional information that may help students understand dating and relationships in Aotearoa.

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The research on how prevalent sexual violence is among international students is conflicting. Several Australian studies suggest that international students are less likely than domestic to have been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted at university (Australian Human Rights Commission, 2017). However, other studies have indicated that overseas students are more likely to be the target of sexual violence because of sociocultural insecurity, different norms and cultures in socialisation patterns, and little knowledge of reporting procedures (Jack, 2023).

What is clear from the literature is that cross-border learners have varied understandings of sexual consent, and that it is sometimes difficult for international students to identify sexual misconduct and/or for them to say ‘no’ to unwanted sexual interactions (Jack, 2023; Parker et al, 2019). Additionally, research shows that international students are more likely than domestic students to say that they felt embarrassed or ashamed following sexual harassment or sexual assault (Parker et al, 2019), and they may struggle asking for help or reporting sexual violence (Jack, 2023). 

All of these factors make it particularly important for international education practitioners to teach international students about consent to raise awareness. But what’s the best way to do this?

4.1 Tips for communicating with international students about consent and sexual violence

The tools used to educate domestic students on consent may not effectively translate for cross-border learners. 

For example, the popular video comparing sexual consent to forcing someone to drink tea might be confusing for a student from a culture where convincing someone to drink tea is seen as good manners. 

Think carefully about the materials you are presenting, and ensure you are using language and examples that will be easy for international students from diverse cultures to understand. 

This video is an example of a resource developed specifically for international students in Australia.

In addition, consent is just one aspect of sexuality and relationships, and you can’t take it for granted that international students will have the foundational knowledge they need to understand consent in practice. For example, some international students do not know how you can fall pregnant or transmit STIs, let alone the various types of sexual violence that can occur. To have a conversation about the complexities of consent, you should first make sure students are comfortable discussing the basics of healthy relationships and sexuality.

Other tips include:

• Use examples, media and narrative to make it relevant to international students. Students who are from countries with narrow definitions of sexual violence and heteronormative views of relationships need examples that depict universal situations (e.g., helping a friend, experiencing sexual harassment from a superior, or experiencing repeated requests for a date; Blackman 2020). Avoid text-heavy content that is exclusively theory-based.
• Allow victims of sexual harassment and violence to tell their stories during these initiatives if they are comfortable. International students may be more likely to appreciate the content if they are able to connect with others who share that they have experienced sexual misconduct. 

4.2 The importance of a simple complaints system

Another challenge for international students is understanding and navigating the process of reporting incidents of sexual violence. The difficulties that arise for anyone in lodging such a complaint are exacerbated when a student is speaking English as a second language to explain complex and sensitive situations. A survey of 1,400 tertiary international students in the UK showed that just 20% would be comfortable asking their university for support in handling incidents of harassment and sexual misconduct (Pagliarello, 2023).

It’s therefore critical for educational organisations to develop a simple and accessible complaints system with a single point of contact. The Code of Practice also requires that tertiary providers provide training and resources on physical and sexual violence prevention and response, including how to support a culture of disclosure and reporting (Outcome 1, Process 4). While the schools section of the Code does not specifically refer to sexual violence, schools are required to work with learners to effectively respond to process complaints (Learner Voice Outcome 2) and the same principle would apply as for tertiary providers.

The key is creating conditions for cross-border learners to be prepared to come forward, and then offering advice that will encourage them to make a complaint and reassuring them they won’t jeopardise their student visa in doing so.

Blackman (2020) suggests some ways that institutions can develop an effective complaints system:

• Address some of the most common misconceptions that may prevent students from reporting. Make sure students know that your institution will not inform their parents, teachers, or peers that they experienced an assault (unless they are a minor, or you think they are in danger). Emphasise that you will not take action on a report unless the student wishes for this to occur.
• Seek to normalise reporting. This could include asking students who had a positive experience reporting to share their stories, if they are comfortable doing so.
• Emphasise that reaching out for help is not an indication of failure or fault. It’s important the student doesn’t feel blamed for the actions of someone else.
• Make sure that students don’t conflate reporting an incident with seeking counselling. Some students may want to report an incident but not seek counselling, or vice versa.
• Give students an option to speak to someone who is more familiar with their country of origin and the cultural pressures facing them. This may help students feel more comfortable reaching out for support.

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This topic has helped international education practitioners communicate more effectively with cross-border learners about developing healthy relationships. This will help protect students from sexual violence and harm, improve the quality of their relationships, and ensure they understand what a consent culture means. The following resources may be useful for readers who want to learn more, or to share with your international students.

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Australian Human Rights Commission (2017). Change the course: national report on sexual assault and sexual harassment at Australian universities. Available online at: https://www.humanrights.gov.au/our-work/sex-discrimination/publications/change-course-national-report-sexual-assault-and-sexual.

Blackman, Michael, "Consent Around the Globe: Sexual violence prevention programming that responds to the needs of international students" (2020). College of Education Theses and Dissertations. 176. https://via.library.depaul.edu/soe_etd/176  

Jack, P (2023) International students ‘less likely’ to report sexual misconduct Times Higher Education.

Pagliarello M Cino, I Franco Vega, F Torres Cortés & Dr C Provencher (2023). Working in partnership to improve international student integration and experience. A report to the Office for Students https://www.officeforstudents.org.uk/media/b5413516-3649-4c25-9bb2-128f865a1a18/improving-international-student-integration-and-experience-final-report.pdf 

Parker Anneka, Harris Peter, Haire Bridget (2020). International students’ views on sexual health: a qualitative study at an Australian university. Sexual Health 17, 231-238. https://doi.org/10.1071/SH19209 

Sexual health advice for international students | video series & resources covering dating, healthy relationships, consent, sexual health and STIs & pregnancy, contraception and abortion (Australian) - The Dating in Australia: Stories from International Students video series and eLearning module provide accurate and evidence-based information from a trusted source, presented for culturally and linguistically diverse users.

https://naumainz.studyinnewzealand.govt.nz/help-and-advice/life-and-culture/dating-relationships-and-sex-in-new-zealand

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